As Nico grows, we continue to love - well everything about him - but especially the way he expresses himself. Even though he can’t talk, and he doesn’t have much control over his movements, he’s great at expressing himself, with a yell or a grunt or a furrowed brow. When Nico smiles, he does it with his entire body - his face lights up, he flings his arms wide, arches his back, and if things are really exciting, throws in a wiggle! One of the greatest joys of watching a baby is seeing the full embodiment of all of their feelings, expressed unabashedly with every inch of their bodies.With Derek back at work, we’ve settled into a bit of a routine that includes lovely morning snuggles and sometimes scary evening witching hours. It takes us longer than it should to realize that when things are wrong, Nico is probably gassy. As soon as Nico graduated from his sleepy newborn phase, he revealed his true character - that of a staunch sleep resistor.
Over Labor Day weekend, Nico met more of his family - Caitlin, Chris, Ida, Lou and Gommy came to town for Susie’s funeral. He also had his first babysitter (thanks Sabine!). He slept peacefully the whole time. As Nico grows out of some behaviors, like snorting when he nurses, new ones emerge - like babbling. We love hearing Nico’s new noises, and he’s especially “talkative” first thing in the morning with Derek. He spends mornings with Derek (I’m on night duty) and seems excited to tell him all about his dreams. If I step in for the morning, he’s pretty silent until Derek wakes up!
Nico resists things that comfort most babies - back rubs, nursing - because he knows they are all ploys to lure him into sleep. But he’s no fool! With enough effort, I can usually get him to nurse and go to sleep, but not always. Sometimes, I play didgeridoo music. I think the low tones mimic what Derek’s deep voice sounded like in the womb.
Derek, lacking the ability to breastfeed, has to be more creative. When Nico’s wails demanded that he march, endlessly, march he did. He came up with songs to soothe Nico that stuck around for months and became Nico’s comfort tunes: Daddy do the cool walk, cool walk Daddy, Daddy do the cool walk Daddy bear on repeat as he walked up and down the hallway. When he had to sit, he relied on the rhythmic bouncing: Up, down, wiggle, wiggle, boom boom.
On November 14, we lost Mordechai. His death shattered our hearts.
The thing that stressed me the most when I was pregnant was worrying about how a new baby would affect Mordechai. When I scheduled my induction, the midwife thought I was sobbing because I didn’t want to give birth that way- which was sort of true. I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible because it meant, hopefully, being away from Mort for as little time as possible. He did not do well when separated from us, especially after covid forced us (joyously) to be together 24/7, for so long. My mom stayed with Mort while we were in the hospital, but she and Derek swapped places one day so he could go be with Mort, who greeted him euphorically, wrapping his paws around Derek’s head and biting him/kissing him. I know that when we came home, it was hard for Mort that I couldn’t physically get down on his level or pick him up.
I don’t think Mort begrudged me bringing home Nico, or spending so much time with him, but I don’t think he understood that I physically could not come to him, and I think that hurt him. He became even more reliant on Derek, clinging to him and looking to Derek to assure him of his position in the family. If Nico got me up three times a night to nurse, Mort got Derek up six times a night to give him water. Water that he could easily reach himself. At every waking, Derek patiently gave him water. Anyone who’s had a newborn (and a wife with a c section) knows how exhausting it is, but Derek was unflinching in his commitment to Mordechai. We made a plan before Nico came that Derek would be Mort’s steady hand, and Derek was perfect in that role and I will be forever grateful.
When Nico was about three weeks old, Mort somehow hooked his claws together on his two front paws. He was falling forward. I was nursing Nico and literally tossed him (gently) aside to catch Mort and unhook his claws. I know that meant a lot to him, to see me toss Nico and make him my priority. That, combined with my increased mobility, with being able to pick him up, let Mort know that his place in our family was exactly the same. That’s when he started to sit on my chest when I nursed Nico, when he started cuddling up to Nico and kissing my head at night while I slept. Every night, he started the evening curled up on Derek’s legs. After Nico’s middle of the night feed, Mort would come and sleep at my chest. The night he died, when I put Nico back in his bassinet and there was no Mort, I wept until the morning. Truthfully, Derek and I wept for months, and I think Mort would have wanted it that way.
Derek and I are so thankful that Mort and Nico got to meet; that Mort ushered us through such a big transition with so much love. For 17 years, Mordechai was my best friend, my soulmate. I will be forever grateful for the time that we had together and for his sweet life. Our time together went by quickly. Our time with Nico at home will go by fast, we know, and Mort’s loss will be a reminder to cherish every moment.
As the leaves changed, so did Nico. He got more and more control over his body. When nursing, he often would pop off the boob and grin at me. Nico is also developing hand-eye coordination. It seems like he processes a lot at night- whether it’s stimulation from the day or new skills he’s learning, he processes it all while faithfully resisting sleep. One night, he kept waking up after we put him down. Derek and I stood over his bassinet, rubbing his belly and shooshing, trying to get him to sleep. Nico held his hands straight up, studying them in wonder. I tried to give him his pacifier, but he was not interested in dastardly sleep agents. He was, however, interested in holding the pacifier, slowly turning it over in his hands. After a few minutes of this, with slow and careful determination, he put the pacifier in his mouth. We were both so proud of him- maybe it was exhaustion, but I cried. It’s truly beautiful to watch him develop, to see how determined he is to figure things out.
Nico laughs when I run my ponytail over his face and loves to pull his lovey, Mrs. Kallie Mari, over his face. Derek does absurd voices with all of Nico’s stuffed animals - Jeffwee, EatMeImADounut and Mrs. Kallie Mari, who is a confused history teacher with an unhealthy obsession with Lin Manuel Miranda. In addition to silly afternoon, bed has become our favorite time. We snuggle, sing songs and gaze at our star light. It’s such a special, peaceful time for us to be together and focused only on each other. Nico smiles and laughs, basking in the attention of both his parents. He loves to be celebrated- he’s a big fan of “he’s a jolly good fellow” - I’m pretty sure if he knew about conducting, he would be leading us with glee.
In late fall, Nico got to meet more of his family - Gnan and his birthday buddy, Pops, flew up to New York to meet him. We had a wonderful fall weekend full of love. At Thanksgiving, he got to see Gommy, Caitlin, Chris, Ida and other birthday buddy Lou. Then he went on his first trip to Lancaster, to meet Grandad and GrandAnn. We really loved Lancaster and Nico did really well on his first trip. One thing that was tricky - sleeping in a pack and play. Nico flat out refused, so he slept in bed with us for the first time. He’s been sleeping with us ever since!